The Maldivian religious nuts (a.k.a the I-find-everything-offensive-to-my-religion-therefore-it-must-be-censored brigade) have done it again! They have gone out of their way to try to prevent the corruption of innocent eighth-grade minds from the evils of the English language and ancient Western civilisations. Masha-Allah!* Such a noble bunch they are! Maldivian society will forever be indebted to them.

Of course I am talking about the recent incident of people finding a lesson in an eighth grade English textbook which talked about how the names of the planets come from Roman and Greek gods (see this article).

The offending textbook

As we all know, 13/14 year olds do not have fully developed brains and are therefore extremely likely to lose faith in Islam and start believing in ancient deities after reading such blasphemous nonsense that no decent human would ever put into a school textbook. Because of this, Alhamdulillah!* it is a relief to know that the censor brigade brought this issue to light and that it can be dealt with properly. The last thing we want is for Maldivian youth to commit shirk.

(For non-Muslims, shirk means “association”. In a religious context, it means “ascribing partners to God” but it is often translated as “polytheism”. It is the worst sin in Islam. Hopefully now you understand just how serious this planet name issue is.)

Now, I’m going to explain to you how the disgusting polytheistic ways of past civilisations have made their way into our everyday language. I’ll also explain how Maldivians themselves might not be as steadfast in their faith as they think, Astaghfirullah!*

Some Muslim readers might want to stop here, for if you keep reading, you might denounce Islam. If you choose to continue reading, Insha-Allah* you will come out of it with your aqeedah (“creed”/”belief”) intact.

Etymology of Planet Names

Most of the planet names are derived from the names of Roman gods. Here is a table showing the planet names and the names of the gods from which they are derived. All but Uranus come from the name of a Roman god. Also, I included Pluto, because in my mind, Pluto is still a planet.

Image result for pluto heart
Pluto loves us. We should love it back.
Planet Roman God Greek God Notes
Mercury Mercurius Hermes God of trade; messenger of gods
Venus Venus Aphrodite Goddess of love and beauty
Mars Mars Ares God of war
Jupiter Iuppiter Zeus King of gods
Saturn Saturnus Kronos God of fertility and agriculture
Uranus Caelus Ouranos God of the sky
Neptune Neptunus Poseidon God of the ocean
Pluto Pluto Hades God of the underworld

In case you were wondering, the word “Earth” is not derived from a god’s name. The Roman and Greek Earth goddesses are called Terra and Gaia, respectively.

So there you have it. All the planet names are making innocent children commit shirk. This is clearly an Illuminati conspiracy to rid the world of the one true religion.

But wait! The heresy does not end there!

Days of the Week

Ancient Germanic people, being part of the same larger Indo-European family as Greeks as Romans, had their own counterpart gods of the sky, love, war, you-name-it. When these two cultures came into contact during the time of the Roman Empire, the Germanic people appropriated the names of the days of the week that the Romans used. And the Roman days, like their planets, were named after their gods. Because of this, we now use Germanic god names when talking about days of the week in English. Here’s another table:

Day Germanic God Roman god / Heavenly body Latin
(all names translate to “day of [god]”)
Monday Moon dies Lunae
Tuesday Tiu (Tyr) Mars dies Martis
Wednesday Odin (Woden) Mercury dies Mercurii
Thursday Thor Jupiter dies Iovis
Friday Frigg Venus dies Veneris
Saturday Saturn dies Saturni
Sunday Sun dies Solis

How tragic! Here we have Maldivians looking to the English language for knowledge and it makes them commit the worst sin possible!

Why couldn’t the English have been like the Arabs, or Chinese, or even the Portuguese for that matter, who all use numbers for their days of the week!?

Now, I’m going to tell you what may be the most shocking revelation in this whole ordeal. Polytheism is built into the Dhivehi language too!

Dhivehi Shirk

You may already know that Maldivians, like Greeks, Romans, and Germanic peoples, are part of the same Indo-European family. You probably guessed where I’m going with this.

That’s right: the Dhivehi names for the days of the week are also derived from names of gods!

Astaghfirullah wa a’udhu billah min sharri lughati!*

Let’s go through all the days one by one, to see exactly why Maldivians commit Shirk literally every day.

A warning to devout Muslims: not only will I be discussing the gods of other cultures, but I will include pictures too. If you feel your aqeedah is too weak to handle such blasphemy, you may wish to close this post, go to your nearest mosque and pray for salvation.

Monday – ހޯމަދުވަސް (Hoamadhuvas)

All the names are suffixed with ދުވަސް (dhuvas) which simply means “day”. Also, it is interesting to note that the Sanskrit words from which the Dhivehi words are derived refer directly to heavenly objects, and the association with a deity is secondary. This could be because the whole naming-after-gods thing was borrowed from Greek astrology.

ހޯމަ (hoama) comes from the Sanskrit सोम (sōma) which means “moon”, but is also used to refer to the moon deity. A more commonly used name for this deity, however, is चन्द्र (Candra), which is the origin of the Dhivehi word ހަނދު (han’dhu – “moon”).
This is Sōma:

Related image

Tuesday – އަންގާރަދުވަސް (Angaaradhuvas)

އަންގާރަ (angaara) comes from Sanskrit अङ्गारक (Angāraka) which is one of the names of मङ्गल (mangala), which is the name of Mars, and a god of war.
This is Mangala:

Angraka graha.JPG

Wednesday – ބުދަދުވަސް (Budhadhuvas)

ބުދަ (budha) comes from Sanskrit बुध (budha) which is the name for Mercury. The status of Budha as a deity is not consistent.
This is Budha:

Image result for budh god

Thursday – ބުރާސްފަތިދުވަސް (Buraasfathidhuvas)

ބުރާސްފަތި (buraasfathi) comes from Sanskrit बृहस्पति (Bṛhaspati), a name which was used to refer to the planet Jupiter or a sage who counsels the gods, also known as गुरु (guru).
This is Bṛhaspati:

Brihaspati

Friday – ހުކުރުދުވަސް (Hukurudhuvas)

ހުކުރު (hukuru) comes from Sanskrit शुक्र (Śukra) which was the name of the Planet Venus, and a sage who counselled Asuras, a class of powerful, superhuman demigods.
This is Śukra:

Shukra

Saturday – ހޮނިހިރުދުވަސް (Honihirudhuvas)

ހޮނިހިރު (honihiru) comes from Sanskrit शनि (Śani) which refers to the planet Saturn, and an inauspicious deity which brings bad luck.
This is Śani:

Shani graha.JPG

Sunday – އާދިއްތަދުވަސް (Aadhitthadhuvas)

އާދިއްތަ (aadhittha) comes from Sanskrit आदित्य (Āditya) which is one of the names of सूर्य (Surya) the sun god.
This is Āditya:

Shri Surya Bhagvan bazaar art, c.1940's.jpg

Well?

Astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah

I can only hope your faith has not crumbled after going through all that.

So now we know that the worst sin is deeply ingrained into the two most commonly used languages in the Maldives. From now on, we must refer to days and planets using ordinal numbers (first day, fifth planet, etc). We can implement this change immediately, starting with grade 8 textbooks. It is the only way Maldives can remain a 100% Muslim country free of the corrupt ways of past civilisations.

Thank you for reading.
Please DO NOT look at this page for more information about Dhivehi days of the week.

And Please, for the love of الله, DO NOT share this with anyone, especially school kids. You DO NOT want to corrupt people’s minds with FACTS about the origins of words. We cannot let facts get in the way of our beliefs.

 

*Arabic/Islamic Phrases
  • Haram: “Prohibited/forbidden”
  • Masha-Allah: “What God wills” (used as a generic positive interjection)
  • Alhamdulillah: “Praise be to God”
  • Astaghfirullah: “I seek forgiveness from God”
  • Insha-Allah: “If God wills”
  • Astaghfirullah wa a’udhu billah min sharri lughati: “I seek forgiveness from god and I seek refuge with God from the evils of my language”

 

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